


To be an American Hero

by pickingoutchinapatterns



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-28 07:48:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7631362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pickingoutchinapatterns/pseuds/pickingoutchinapatterns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He was asleep, exhausted after the recent stress he had been under.  She however, could not fall asleep beside him.   ....  She closed her eyes tightly, memorizing the feel of his body heat, the weight of his arm across her waist, before she steeled herself and slowly began to get out of bed."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

If only someone was able to warn you that you were about to experience something for the last time. The last time that she walked into the office to see him smiling with kindness and excitement; the last time she was going to hear his recorded voice on his answering machine, letting him know that it’s her and she’s wondering where he is; the last time she uses her key to enter his apartment; the last time she would get to be surrounded by his smell and warmth. 

He was asleep, exhausted after the recent stress he had been under. She however, could not fall asleep beside him. Instead, she spent the night staring at him, trying her best to memorize everything about him. The way his lips pursed slightly when he breathed, the way his long lashes seemed to brush his cheek; the way his nose fit so perfectly on his sweet face. She was so tempted to run her fingers over his face, to brush that stubborn lock of hair away from his forehead. She could feel the tears threatening to come to the surface as she tried not to think of simpler times. She could no longer pretend that such an action would be done for practical reasons, like to help keep the hair away from his surgical wound. She closed her eyes tightly, memorizing the feel of his body heat, the weight of his arm across her waist, before she steeled herself and slowly began to get out of bed. 

Her body protested as she moved from his bed- sore from their earlier activities. She was both relieved and disappointed that Mulder did not stir. She quickly and quietly gathered her clothes- her pants had survived but the shirt and hose had been torn earlier in heated moments of just a few short hours ago…was it really only a few hours ago? She did find a balled up, in-side out t shirt of his (dirty of course), but she put it on. The raw smell of him surrounding her was almost enough to break her resolve. She glanced one last time at him before she went out to the living room to find her blazer and shoes. If she were in the mood, she may have laughed at the fact that the last time she got to see her cherished insomniac, he would be asleep in his bed.  
The shoes and blazer were much easier to locate- she had put both neatly by the door shortly after she had come in, completely unaware of what would unfold that night. As she walked towards the doorway, a glossy photo from the file and debris that was scattered earlier stuck to the bottom of her bare foot. Looking down, she almost let a sob escape as she recognized the picture.

It was Bill’s day of triumph and the whole high school was celebrating. They had just moved to a new city the summer before she was to start high school and she was so nervous. One of the things that helped ease the process was being the baby sister to the new star of the school’s football team. In the picture, Bill is proudly showing her the football from the winning game, as his teammates and cheerleaders are jumping excitedly all around him. Bill’s other arm casually draped across Dee’s shoulder, her pompom shining at Bill’s waist. The Scully’s had known Dee and her brother Ted from years ago- it was another blessing at the time to have been reunited with long lost friends. A mixed blessing really... the first signs of trouble didn’t pop up until about a week later, when Bill first saw the picture and noticed that Ted was making out with Missy in the background. Dee tore into Bill, telling him that he was being a hypocrite (why was it ok for her to be seeing him and not for her brother to be seeing his sister after all?). Bill and Dee’s romantic relationship may have had its rough spots, but they always remained best friends. Ted, however, was the love of Missy’s life. He adored Missy. Dana had had a small crush on Ted, but was happy for her sister when she saw how in love they were with each other. She also saw Marcus staring at her, and had a brief thought that maybe it was big brother Bill that scared Marcus away from asking her out for another two years.

A tear slid down her face and landed on the photo as she was thinking of this- of lost loves, of lost innocence and of the most heart wrenching moment of her life. She loved Mulder, but was always terrified of crossing the line, of him finding out the truth about her and breaking her. 

“I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me.”

Dr. Dana Katherine Scully took one last shuddering breath, gathered her belongings, then closed and locked the door. She knew that she would never step foot again in his apartment nor her own. They had finally played Their trump card and exposed the truth to him. These people don’t make mistakes. 

On the plus side, she thought wryly, she may not have much time to grieve. Now, she only needed to think about how she was going to survive.


	2. RIP DKS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I still do not like the title but couldn’t think of anything better. It’s been a long WIP in waiting, but I now have a bit more time to finish it as I do a series re-watch. (Please feel free to join me if you wish.) This story is going to follow three basic timelines...young Scully, X-files Scully, and on the run Scully/Mulder fall-out. Enjoy!

FBI Special Agent Dana Scully is no more.  She can’t possibly exist if she is to survive.  Her apartment is abandoned, her car still parked in full view of Mulder’s bedroom window, waiting for someone to either ticket or take.  Scully knew that she couldn’t risk returning to her old life. One advantage to her work on the X files, she supposes, is that it gave her a chance to stash survival kits all over the country.  Mulder never suspected… his habit of ditching her did have its benefits. 

 

Scully sits low in her seat as she waits for the bus to leave the terminal, thankful that her long black wig hides her short red bob.  It took her three hours to get here after she picked up her escape kit. She had hoped that she’d finally reached a point in her life that she wouldn’t need it, but now it looked like her dreams of the future were fruitless.  

  
  


Her silver chain catches against the gauze and medical tape at the back of her neck while she fiddles with her old Miraculous Medallion, a long ago gift from her confirmation.  After her cancer went into remission, she made sure that all her kits were equipped with the necessary supplies to remove the chip (a “chip-ectomy,” a Mulder-esque voice in her head pipes in).  She knew that she had to get rid of the chip as soon as possible. She didn’t want to be tracked, or even killed, as soon as They realize that Mulder discovered They had sent her. Sporting her new disguise, Scully was able to ship both the chip and her crucifix necklace to the Gunmen, using Mulder’s apartment as the return address in case the boys decided not to open the package.

 

The boys.  They’ve always been so good to her.  How will they react to all of this? At least this way, she thinks, trying her best to be positive, they will likely check in on Mulder sooner rather than later.

 

Mulder.

 

Her body still aches from three days ago.  This morning, as she shed one disguise and put on another, she found another set of five bruises on her skin, matching the shape of Mulder’s fingers.  She had allowed herself twenty seconds to indulge in those memories… these weren’t the marks that he made when he pinned her against the wall. Those she saw bloom that first day on the run.  No, these were from when he was slamming into her from behind, pounding his despair, his hurt, his love, his confusion into her body. 

 

As the time and miles between them slowly grows, she allows her mind to wander.  She is flooded with memories from her past - her childhood, med school, the Academy… Mulder.  Will he ever be able to forgive her? Will he ever be able to trust another person, to actually be happy one day?  Did she completely shatter him, destroy his heart and soul beyond repair? She hastily brushes the tears from her eyes, the pain in her chest unbearable.  She feels like she can barely breathe. 

 

_ Do you even deserve to breathe, after what you did to the man you love? _ the dark voice in her soul asks.   _ You destroyed the one thing that he values most, the one thing that he thought he could rely on.   _ The tears can no longer be contained, so she hides her face in her coat, pretending to sleep.   _ How could you say you had no choice but to do this to him?  Do you even know the meaning of love? How could you let him ever get close to you, let alone start to love you?  You don’t deserve him, you never did. _

 

How did this become her life?  

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first attempt at fanfic. I have a much larger story in mind. Thank you very much to ill-show-you-later for boosting my request for betas and putting me in touch with harleyasv, iwanttolive92 and starrynight-over-thepast. Thank you so much for all of the help and support! This is currently a WIP - I will try my hand at smut in later chapters.


End file.
